Jessi Michel Agadoni is a Natural Sensitive Guide and Restorative Healer. She teaches Sensitives how to rebuild their calm and resiliency to create sustainable health so that they can cultivate success without succumbing to constant overwhelm, anxiety, depression, auto-immunity, or any other body imbalance that could prevent them from having the impact they are called to have on this world.
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🔗 Where You Can Find Jessi
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Ep# 31 - Boundaries and Building an Inner Circle as a Sensitive
Rose: Hey, it's Rose and welcome to another episode of the Sensitive CEO Show. And in this week's episode, it's my absolute pleasure to introduce you to Jesse Michelle. Agadoni. Jesse is a sensitive natural guide and restorative healer, and I'm going to hand it over to Jesse to introduce herself and welcome Jesse.
It's lovely to talk with you today.
Jessi: Aww. Thank you for having me, Rose. It's an honour to be here.
Rose: So, share with the audience a little bit about your background, please and what it is that you do.
Jessi: Yes, so my background professionally is in nutritional therapy and functional nutritional therapy. I, as many healers do, came into this work through my own body, through my own healing, and I learned probably about, oh my gosh, the years keep expanding.
But around 2016 is when I discovered that I was a highly sensitive person, and also, you know, within that world, empathic and introverted, and through learning those. Labels and all that come with it. The traits, I really began to understand my uniqueness and why I wasn't healing like everyone else around me was.
So as I dove into the world of, you know, starting with nutritional therapy, from there, it just expanded, and now I have so many different modalities. It would take me the whole, our whole episode to list all of them, but I really. I Fell in love with working with fellow sensitives because I realised that the way that I had learned to heal myself was unique and that my fellow sensitives aligned with that way.
I wasn't alone. In going to the doctor, even, even a holistic alternative doctor, and not being fully understood and feeling like the supports were too aggressive. So for me, that's become my big passion is just serving my sensitive community from the angle of the body. And, you know, of course, wrapped up in that, I've, I've got, I'm so passionate about, you know, the emotional health as well because I believe emotions are the language of the body.
Jessi: And so, to me, they go hand in hand. And so, my practice has become more and more unique every day. , sorry, expanded, and it just becomes more holistic, I guess, is the easiest way to say it. But yeah, my passion is just really helping my fellow sensitives. Rebuild their body, rebuild their calm and their resilience for sustainable health so that we're not constantly dealing with chronic illnesses or feeling like our nervous system is out of balance every single day.
So it's really, I'm here to help teach that and also embody it myself. Right. It's a constant journey.
Rose: Beautiful. I love that. And I, I have to say, I love, we, we were introduced recently by a mutual friend of Emma Louise and. I think one of the biggest things I loved when I discovered that I was highly sensitive was only in 2021.
The connections that I've made around the world, and we now have a lot of mutual friends over the past few months, haven't we? And I just think the connections in our space is so special.
Jessi: It really is. Yeah. And I think it's because. We see the world differently, and as a result, we have to live differently.
And that can feel so isolating and so lonely. And so when we meet someone that gets it, it's, there's this instant chemistry of, oh my gosh, you understand? Like, I don't have to explain all of this to you. You just know.
Rose: Yeah. It's like coming home, isn't it?
Jessi: Oh, it is like coming home. That's a beautiful way of describing it.
Rose: And I love that you use the term natural sensitive. Can you talk a little bit about that Jessie?
Jessi: Yes, I love to disrupt the system a little. So, so much respect for Dr Elaine Aron, who came up with the term highly sensitive person. I, this is, Just my own personal take. So I've found in my industry, specifically, since I'm in the health world, that the term sensitive is just used so flippantly now where it's like food sensitivities, you know, aroma sensitivity is allergies, all these things, and it really gives.
I should say it adds to this negative tone, this negative undertone, almost to the word sensitive. And I just wasn't here for that. I said, no, like this is, this is a gifting, you know, and I don't want there to be any of this. Like, oh, I'm sensitive, or, oh, you know, like all this apologising for it. So I really just, it came to me one day of just this idea of, no, we're.
I'm naturally sensitive. This is just who I am. And the big difference there is, you know, within the health world, you can develop sensitivities. So that's something that happens through an imbalance in the body or through trauma is another way that you can develop sensitivities, emotional sensitivities.
But then there are those of us who. Innate sensitivity. To develop sensitivity versus innate sensitivity. And innate is a word that I just don't feel like people immediately understand. Whereas natural, it's like, oh, you naturally have that. That's something that you're born with. Okay, I get that. And it just sounded more positive to me.
And when I just started using it in my practice, all of my highly sensitive people were like, oh, I love that term. I'm naturally sensitive, like Capital N, capital S, you know, that's me. Yeah. And. It just feels stronger. It feels good. It feels healthy. It feels like something you can get behind, whereas a highly sensitive person, again, not saying you shouldn't use that term, but I just sense our culture has some negativity around it.
Like, oh yeah, okay, sure. You know, and also, I think sometimes it can get confused with, you know, being on the autism spectrum, and I know there can be overlaps for different people, but in general, having the sensory processing sensitivity trait does not mean that you have any sort, you know, that you're just not on that spectrum or any sort of disorder.
There's nothing wrong with you. And that was another big thing. There's nothing wrong with you. This is natural, right? So, That’s my little personal take on it. If anyone if that aligns with anyone that's listening, feel free to use it. I find that it helps me describe it to people when they ask me about it, or like, yeah, this is actually different.
This isn't something I need to fix. We all have developed sensitivities. That's normal. That's being human. That's conditioning to use human design language, right? And that is something that we're invited in our lifetime to heal and clear. And I think that's beautiful and necessary. But underneath that, at the foundation, if you're an H S P, if you have sensory processing sensitivity, you have natural sensitivity, that's not gonna go away.
And it's gonna express itself in a unique manner, right? All of us, like you and I, Rose, we're both natural sensitives, but it's gonna show up a little bit differently. Like there's this little subtlety, you know, that of how it's expressed, so that's always fun to explore too.
Rose: I love it. I love the differentiation, and I love that term.
I was; as soon as I saw it on your website, just before we met, it just aligned. It felt so good. So I'll be using it a little bit more as well. We've all got permission. Yes, absolutely. And so we're talking about boundaries today and building and in a circle as a natural sensation.
So can you share with everyone a little bit about boundary creation to start with?
Jessi: Yes. So this is obviously a huge topic, so I always like to say like we may not cover everything. . , but. Boundaries, I think, are a very trendy topic. But not often is it discussed the complications of actually doing it, right?
Like everyone else, you need to have boundaries. Great. But when you actually start to do it, you're like, wait, how do I do this? How do I communicate this? How do I actually hold these? And what I found, again, it's unique for sensitives, right? Because we're such tender spirits. The idea of. The basics of no can be really challenging.
The basics of saying I've given enough and I'm not gonna give any more of my time. It is valuable, and if I wanna use it to lay on my bed and do nothing, I am worthy of that. And that's just as valuable as meeting you for coffee, you know? And so there's, I think, a lot of boundary work that comes back to self-value and understanding that if you sit on a couch all day versus going out and serving the homeless, you have the same.
Jessi: If you have zero money in your bank account or you're a billionaire, you have the same value. Like your value doesn't shift based on your circumstances or how much you give, or how much you take. It's based purely on you being human. And so once you can kind of start to grapple with that, start to honour that boundaries naturally come forward.
So I will say if you're trying to establish boundaries without honouring who you are, it can be a bit tricky. Yeah. And sometimes, the reality of life is that you do both at the same time, and it's a little messy. Right? So with setting boundaries, though, the first thing is really starting to recognise what you actually need.
And that is unique to everyone. I'll use myself as an example. I'm introverted, empathic, and naturally sensitive, so I need a lot of alone time, a lot of alone time, way more than a normal person would think is healthy. In fact, I've had a lot of people in my life tell me that there's something wrong with me because of how much alone time I need.
And for a long time, I received that as a negative comment, and now I go, that's right because I'm, I'm unique, and that's what I need. So, if that doesn't work for you, then perhaps this relationship, you know, isn't, is it gonna be sustainable? And it's, I've taken me a lot of years to be able to come to a place to like own that.
But honouring what it is that you need. The first is awareness of what you need. And then the second step is gently starting to respect that. And I always say, start with the people you trust. Like, don't go out there starting to hold a boundary with the person you're most scared of. Like, that's not gonna, it's not gonna go well,
Start, like with me; I’ve been married for 11 years now. I have an incredible husband who's my best friend. He's the person I trust most in the world. He's the one I would start with if I had a new boundary. I've discovered, oh, I'll, again, I'll use myself as an example. I've really come; I’ve known this one for a long time, that as sensitives do, we need a lot of sleep, and for me, it's between eight to 11 hours.
That's what I found for most sensitives, but I'm horrible at honouring that. I'm usually like right at six or seven, and this year I said this. That's I'm doing eight or more unless it's some crazy emergency or something. And so I need to communicate to my husband, Hey, I may be in bed longer. Doesn't mean anything wrong with me.
I, you know, doesn't mean I'm sick, doesn't mean I'm being lazy like this is something I'm setting. And that is a way that you know, number one, I communicate my boundary. And number two, I start with someone that will be like, oh, I understand your overall mission in life. I understand your value. I understand who you are.
What you're trying to accomplish is to be a whole, healthy person. And I will respect that. I may not understand it because I don't need as much sleep. I can, you know, go, go, go. He's a generator. So, you know, he can go forever, bless his soul. But I, you know, as a manifesto especially, I need so much sleep and, it, it paves the way.
For me to step into it, because the truth is I'm still dealing with feelings of, am I worthy of laying in bed this long? I'm a grown-ass adult, and I'm still staying in bed till eight 30 in the morning. What are people, are people gonna judge me? What if a neighbour pops by and they're like, you're still in your jammies?
You know, like I. I'm, I'm thinking of all these crazy ideas of people that are gonna judge me, right? And that's the reality of setting up boundaries. You're hearing all these voices in your head, and you're navigating like, okay, this is who I wanna be. That's what could happen. That's who I am. And you're kind of in this weird transition zone.
So communicating the boundary, doing it with someone you trust, that will kind of help to be that like, Hey, I get it. When on those mornings when you start to say, oh, I feel so guilty, and they're like, stop it. You already told me what you were doing. So that can be a really safe kind of cocoon or capsule to start playing with boundaries and doing it with something that's not really challenging.
Like maybe, you know, sleeping in isn't hard for you. It's really hard for me. But starting with something simple and then working your way up to those much bigger things that are down the line of, like, a Childhood friend from elementary school that you know shouldn't be in your life, that's very negative and doesn't understand you and drains you, but you, they look to you as their one best friend.
Do you know? And that's like the biggest moment in your life is being able to say, Hey, I don't think this is working. You know, like, I'm gonna need some space. And maybe it's not returning their calls after a while and kind of communicating and letting it dissipate. That's a whole nother situation. But you're not gonna start there, you know?
And so, Please start small. Be gentle with yourself, and over time your personal capacity will expand Your courage, your strength, and your knowledge will become more solid. You will trust yourself. And that's a big part of it, too, is building self-trust. For if you say you're gonna set a boundary and then you don't do it, then you're telling your body that you don't trust.
You know, it doesn't create this consistency. So start small, and then I promise it may take a couple of years, it may take ten years. Everyone's different, and you get to the point where you can do those really hard conversations. And it's okay if those linger. You know, it's okay that you have the occasional relationship or thing that's not great.
And awareness will grow, and it'll get to the point where finally you're ready, and you're like, I will not do that; I will not put up with this any longer. My worth, my value, my health, my energy, and my capacity are so much more important now than making this person feel good. And I trust that I've learned how to communicate well.
I know how to do this gently and kindly, and then that's it. I'm not responsible for their reaction. And that's a really powerful place. Yeah, I
Rose: I was gonna say that when you share that, it just feels very empowered the way that you said that, because it's all about honouring yourself, isn't it? And I guess absolutely.
It can take a while to build it up. For those of us in business, our sensitive CEOs, how would you take that into the business realm with clients and, I guess, colleagues as well?
Jessi: Such a good question. So I've personally had to experience that. So when I first started my practice, I was so available.
So available for anything and everyone, and I think that's kind of part of starting out, but I. It was far too available. And so I didn't own and respect my downtime, and energetically it trained me. And within a year, I was like, oh, can't do this. Like, I can't sustain this, this, oh, a business must not be for me.
But actually, it had to do with how I was doing business. . and so, that was my first of many restructures. And I started saying, okay, this, it was simply putting out a message. I have a chat available to my clients in my portal system, and I simply said, you know, so if you use Voxer or what Slack, whatever you use, you use, I set a standard, and I communicated, these are my hours that I'm available.
Outside of that, you know, I, I will not see it. So just know that. But within these hours, I will respond as soon as I am able. And then, as I grew, I started to add little things in there, like, just like I encourage you to honour your time. This is how I am honouring my time as a reminder that, hey, this is like, You know, like we both live the same way.
I'm embodying what I'm teaching you. . . So just like I encourage you not to be boundaryless and to be used by people, I'm not gonna let you do that, you know, with me, or I'm gonna hold that so that you don't have that worry either. So that was my first establishment. And then it was really arranged.
It's a lot about time when it comes to business, right? Time. . so establishing time when I see clients when I don't see clients being very strict about that. And I would say the other piece was the energetic and the emotional because for me, I, my little empathic heart wants to carry, you know, the emotions of my clients, wants to hold them, wants to fix.
And when I was a young practitioner, I tried. Oh, and it wasn't good, you know, I mean, it wasn't bad, but it just, for me, it wasn't good. And I was drowning in, you know, all of my clients' worries and, and problems, and I was like laying awake at night and I, sensitive. This is really common when you're working one-on-one with clients or even in group settings; we can merge.
That's the term I like to use with our clients. Even physically. So for me, since I'm working with people that are ill, I would actually express their symptoms, which was not fun. And I started noticing; I was like, that's odd. I don't normally ever; I’ve never had that symptom before, whether it was a rash or something.
And then I was like, that's crazy. That's what my client was talking about and then it started happening over and over and over again to the point where I was like, this is really like this is happening. And so, I had to learn how to create healthy boundaries. And one of the ways I did it was by switching to virtual.
I used to see clients in person, and I decided a boundary that I needed to create was virtual because then I could have pre and post-clearance, and their energy wasn't necessarily as strongly in the room for me. A lot of mines. Healing abilities are actually physical touch. And so I had a lot of fear around stepping away from that.
But I found that it's still just as magnetic, but I'm not as drained because when I do physically touch people, it really can be very powerful, but it also zaps me. So little things like that are just decisions of how. How generous I am with my gift. Like that's my choice, and I save my touch gifting for those that are in my, like, real-time life, you know, and for people that are in my inner circle.
But my clients still get a huge part of me, just not all of me. And I think that was a big difference.
Rose: That's huge. And I went through a really similar thing when I started this business with RTT and Hypnosis. Yes. I used to have a clinic in town, and I was actually quite pleased with COVID, I guess that I could no longer work in the clinic.
I still worked a lot on Zoom even though I had the clinic, but when I could no longer work in the clinic, it was a bit of a blessing in many ways because, like you, I take on so much energy, and I just want to give and give and working online with RTT, the same with energy work is just the same as in person.
And I found it just, just as effective, but it actually is easier for me to cope with. And I was able to, well, I still do this in between calls, client calls, I go out and stand in the grass and ground myself and sort of clean my aura between clients. And I think all of that helps as well, having those little rituals.
Jessi: Yeah. For me, it's washing my feet and taking a full shower. There's something about washing my feet. It also brings back nice. If it's winter, it makes them warm again. Yeah. But also, I don't know, there's just something about it. It just kind of cleanses me, and, yeah, there are so many different practices, but I find that it has just gotten a lot easier, and I think what's important.
Two, as is, being a leader, being a guide, being a c e o is being able to stay grounded in who you are while serving the client. Because if you're merging too much, you're actually getting lost in their chaos, and you're not able to bring a sense of peace and hope and optimism and that outside perspective, which is really what they came to you for.
Yes. So if you're not able to do that, it's gonna mess with your ability to provide the results that they're seeking. So I think that's a big part of it.
Rose: I love that. So, Jessi, can you share how having these boundaries and a healthy inner circle allows us as sensitives to have a really calm and resilient body?
Jessi: Yes. That's my speciality. So when we create those boundaries, and you know, with the inner circle, Surround yourself with people that honour those boundaries. And often, they are sensitive themselves, right? Because they just get it. But, you know, choosing how large or small for me, that inner circle sometimes is literally just my husband.
If it's a really challenging season and other times, it'll expand and include others as well. But setting, establishing that, it really allows you, your body, to know that the world is. and that it can, it's all about trust if your body trusts you to take care of it. It doesn't have to go into what I call alarm mode.
And most of us are familiar at this point with the fight or flight, you know, or freeze technically. But the sympathetic state of the autonomic nervous system versus the parasympathetic state of the autonomic nervous system, both are alarm and calm. And it's really that simple. The body can't be in both at the same time.
So if we're wanting to live our lives in the calm mode, which is where we restore, which is where we detox. It's where we digest. It's where we are optimal physically. That's where we have health, long-term health and acute short-term health. Then we have to switch out of that alarm mode, and as sensitives, we naturally find ourselves in the alarm mode simply by walking outside.
It gets so easy for us to go into that stress mode is another way to describe it. There are so many different terms. And so it's really if we build the boundaries with our time, we build the boundaries with those that are in our lives, in our business, we naturally create this beautiful environment and structure, whether it's loose or tight, up to you, that allows our body to feel at ease.
And when those moments come as they will, that is not, that does switch you into that alarm mode; you’ve had so much time. In the calm mode that you've built up, resilience, you can navigate those moments of alarm because they're not your every day. They're taught once a week or even maybe once a month, so it's not as challenging.
You might feel fluttered. You might have what? Whatever, you know, the response you personally have, but you're able to come back into your body because the body knows, oh, this is just a moment. This isn't my every day. Versus, oh, this is my every day. And the calm is a moment. And that's the difference that can be created over time by creating an environment that's healthy.
We know now that our genes, our d n a, are directly impacted by our environment. It's called epigenetics, right? So we are not. Victims of our genes, we are actually directly in control because we get to choose the environment that's around us. And our environment is what activates or deactivates any sort of genetic mutation.
And that's a whole nother conversation. But you can literally turn off that, create illness in your body, and you can turn them on by how you live your life.
And so I would say, as sensitives, are we more prone to disease?
Not necessarily, but we can be, have a tendency towards that alarm mode, which can then create, you know, that chronic illness situation, especially if we aren't able to build the environment that will support us back into calm mode.
So the main takeaway I would say is boundaries are not just about you. , you know, they're about creating an entire environment that will support you. And I promise you what will bless everyone around you when you do it. They may not like it at first. Yes. And they may push back. In fact, they probably will.
But hold your ground. . and explain to them why. Give them the big picture. And if they love you, if they are meant to be you, in your inner circle, this is the inner circle test. Yeah. If they say, I get it. I love you. I will support you. Bring him in. Keep him in that inner circle. And you'll be able to continue to grow and expand in that way, and the body will become stronger and stronger and stronger over time because you are blessing it with sleep, space, energetic freedom, the grounding.
Everyone's different in what they need, but whatever it is that creates your calm mode, that allows you to function normally every single day instead of going into flight or flight or alarm mode and panicking. Demolishing or ignoring. Yeah. All the normal functions are needed. And that's really what creates health.
Like that's what we know now. Science is recognising that finally. And so it's, you know, all the work that you do with hypnosis too is such a huge part of bringing the body, the subconscious into that state of. And that's really what builds health over time. So, yeah. Does that make sense?
Rose: Yeah, absolutely.
And I just, I feel that there's a lot of the world needs more calm. It's, it's just been a bit hectic and anxious, and I think, yeah, it's so needed. So it is. And you have a beautiful calm method, authentic, calm method. Can you share a little bit about that?
Jessi:Yeah. So, as I said, I've had the honour of working with sensitives for, it's over four years now.
and. my one-on-one is very special and very unique, and I've come to recognise its value of it. That took time too. . , and now it's at a price point that not everyone has, is ready for, which I 100% understand, but also I recognise my value, and so what I wanted to do was create a system. That anyone really could access and also just kind of almost create like a library of resources.
Jessi: And so I created the authentic Calm method, which is simply a system that allows you to create your own calm and gives you some options to play with. But it's not a system that forces you into my, which is really important to me. It gives you what I call a loose structure. I have three layers. It's reconnection, rhythm, and remedy.
So reconnection is an option of how to come back into your body cuz a lot of us as sensitives disconnect from our body for many reasons. And then the second layer is rhythm, and that's where we learn how to live a lifestyle that supports sensitivity, which is exactly what we were just talking about, creating an environment.
That creates resilience. And then the third is remedied. And these are sensitive, safe tools that you can use to support overall health. So things from digestive activation to learning how to breathe from all sorts of different tools. And I actually keep adding and building. I've created a beginner.
Now there's an intermediate; there’s gonna be an advanced level. So it's basically these little libraries that you can go in and go, that one feels aligned to me, that one record that matches who I am. And just to play and choose what sticks with you for the long term. But, it allows you to create your own reconnection, your own rhythm, and your own toolkit of remedies that align with you.
And I think a lot of us do that in general, but this is for those that really like a little bit of structure; it helps you do that. And for anyone that. Feels like if you're listening, you're like, oh, I feel like she's similar to me personality-wise. Like I connect with that. Whether we're the same human design or not, you know, whatever it is, like you feel like you're similar to me, then what I've established works for me or works for those that align with me may work for you.
And it can be a shortcut to saying, I don't have to try all hundred of the modalities. I'll try these five. And within those five, two of them, Sit, you know, really? . , make me feel calm, make me feel grounded, and over time, that builds my resilience. And that is what builds health long term. So that's what the method's all about, and it's all online, and it's a lifetime access, which I think is important.
Yeah, because I just like to keep adding to it. . I'm never done.
Rose: Oh, wonderful. Well, I'll, I'll be popping a link to that in the show notes along with where people can find you and your awesome podcast, the Authentic Calm podcast. And when you were talking then, I was just thinking, just listening to your voice makes me calm. You've got such a beautifully calming voice.
Jessi: Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. And for those listening, Rose came on my podcast, so you'll have to listen to that episode too. Yes, it's coming out.
Rose: Well, before we wrap up, I have one more question that I ask all of my podcast guests. When you feel overwhelmed or unfocused, what do you do?
Jessi: Well, the thing I always go to, and this is what started the whole method, is my reconnection practice. And it's simple; I’ll describe it's easy to do, but I basically place my hands on certain parts of my body, starting with the head over the eyes, under the chin, over the heart. And I go over the abdomen, and I move through these different parts of my body, and what it does is it brings me back into my bones.
It brings me back into my body because as a sensitive. I tend to live in the world. I tend to leave my body all the time and live in the ether. And what the reconnection does for me, this practice is it allows me to come back into my 3D body and be grateful for it and remember what it's doing for me.
Remember that this is where I'm supposed to be. This is the present moment. And I, there are so many things at the moment whether. You know, expressing gratitude for each part of my body, whether it's inviting and healing for each part of my body, whether it's inviting in the divine into each part of my body.
There are so many things you can use and insert. It’s kind of a take on acupuncture meets. Acupressure meets Reiki meets so many different modalities I've experienced over time. It just kind of turned into this thing that I did all the time, and then I was like, oh, I'm just gonna call this the reconnection, but it's, I, I can do it short or long, and it's something I've, I always joke, I've, I do this in airports like you can do it anywhere, like literally sitting on the toilet, like I'm in the little stall doing it cause it doesn't require anything and it can be done in five minutes, or you can really make it long on luxurious, but it just always does it for me.
It always brings me back into my body, which is what I personally always need when I'm overwhelmed.
Rose: Thank you for sharing that. I love that, and thank you so much, Jessi, for coming on the episode today. It's been wonderful to talk with you.
Jessi: Oh, thank you for having me, Rose. I loved being on.
Rose: Thanks, everyone.